I think we've all had enough of my sup kambing escapades and selenge episodes and it's about time we get down to business.

I've been avoiding this subject for a while now, simply because I was apprehensive. I wasn't sure if I would ever go any further than where I am now in life. I am just afraid that I'd have nowhere to go to. Once, I was so certain that the future really looked bleak. Well, it isn't any better at the moment but at least I'm now sane enough to be able to recognise options and alternatives that are viable and more importantly, affordable.

It's pretty difficult to go anywhere with grades like mine, which are neither here nor there. Scouting for an affordable alternative isn't quite like buying fish in the market, but that, I've managed to come to terms with. Now that I already have a layout of possible routes to getting a degree, the uphill task of looking for financial resources lies ahead of me.

In this frantic attempt to look for a place of higher learning, the emotional void has simultaneously expanded. How is it even possible despite this paperchase madness, I'm not sure. I thought that with all that's occupying my mind, I'd be able to forget that my heart is shattered beyond repair. At least momentarily. But the longer I spend my time browsing online (esp late at night), the bigger of an emotional basket case I become. It just doesn't make sense.

On days when I do not feel like thinking about possibilities, I keep myself busy with food and entertained by the National Geographic channel or ESPN. With all the extremely high highs and extremely low lows, I'm bound to crack one day and disintegrate. Just like a rock which eventually experiences granular disintegration, caused by differential expansion and contraction due to different mineral content.

Everyday, I ask for nothing from Him but strength, courage and faith so that I can help myself.